Putting things aside

I met with T (homeschool consultant) today at her house. I left feeling totally pumped up, excited to implement some of her ideas and to borrow from her experience. This whole thing feels do-able again. I mean, if she can do it? I can do it. This is a woman who leaves her keys in the refrigerator so that she won’t go off to the park and leave the sandwiches in the refrigerator. I can relate to this. And yet, as I reflect on my conversation with her, I wonder if I am ready. This is also a woman who is comfortable owning her own knowledge and who isn’t afraid to appear “together.” Am I ready to let go of my identity as unorganized, overwhelmed and utterly frazzled? I’m pretty sure that that is what is at stake here. What if I don’t have my frazzled appearance to hide behind anymore? What if we can be successful at homeschooling? Can I own it? Can I look into other people’s eyes and tell them the things that are working? Or is it imperative to my comfort with other people that they always have the upper hand?

Icy

The ice storm comes at least once each year. There’s no predicting it; the day before and the day after might be balmy and calm. Once the storm is here, it seems best to hide indoors, but in retrospect I wonder. Could we fling open the doors and embrace the cold? Is the struggle in resisting and wishing it wasn’t so? If we opened our arms wide and engulfed the storm with warmth, would the icicles melt in our outstretched hands? Or do we batten down the hatches and hope that this one passes quickly, without inflicting too much damage?