I met with T (homeschool consultant) today at her house. I left feeling totally pumped up, excited to implement some of her ideas and to borrow from her experience. This whole thing feels do-able again. I mean, if she can do it? I can do it. This is a woman who leaves her keys in the refrigerator so that she won’t go off to the park and leave the sandwiches in the refrigerator. I can relate to this. And yet, as I reflect on my conversation with her, I wonder if I am ready. This is also a woman who is comfortable owning her own knowledge and who isn’t afraid to appear “together.” Am I ready to let go of my identity as unorganized, overwhelmed and utterly frazzled? I’m pretty sure that that is what is at stake here. What if I don’t have my frazzled appearance to hide behind anymore? What if we can be successful at homeschooling? Can I own it? Can I look into other people’s eyes and tell them the things that are working? Or is it imperative to my comfort with other people that they always have the upper hand?
