I met with T (homeschool consultant) today at her house. I left feeling totally pumped up, excited to implement some of her ideas and to borrow from her experience. This whole thing feels do-able again. I mean, if she can do it? I can do it. This is a woman who leaves her keys in the refrigerator so that she won’t go off to the park and leave the sandwiches in the refrigerator. I can relate to this. And yet, as I reflect on my conversation with her, I wonder if I am ready. This is also a woman who is comfortable owning her own knowledge and who isn’t afraid to appear “together.” Am I ready to let go of my identity as unorganized, overwhelmed and utterly frazzled? I’m pretty sure that that is what is at stake here. What if I don’t have my frazzled appearance to hide behind anymore? What if we can be successful at homeschooling? Can I own it? Can I look into other people’s eyes and tell them the things that are working? Or is it imperative to my comfort with other people that they always have the upper hand?
Archive for the ‘planning’ Category
One foot in front of the other
February 8, 2009You can usually tell when things start getting desperate around here because that’s when I start taking long overdue action. We finally made it to the unschooler/homeschooler park day yesterday. I’ve known about it since the summer and yet have never made it one. It seems like something else came up every week. It was especially difficult to make myself go at this late, when the initial excitement of homeschooling has worn off and I am feeling completely at a loss. But I went anyway, even though it was a crazy day, with freelance stuff to do, a meeting, P leaving town for the weekend, all of us getting his cold… but I went anyway. Footwork, right? And of course once we were there we had a really nice time and it was totally worth it.
I was only able to stay for an hour, but I was able to make some good connections. It’s amazing what a small world it is – on of the mothers I met is a yoga instructor at the studio where P has been showing his paintings for 5 or 6 years. She has a daughter close to D’s age, and the two of them hit it off right away. The really cool thing about that connection is that they haven’t been to park day at Cottonwood for more than a year, but had decided they wanted to start going again. Coincidence? Maybe. The other women I met is a great source of information. She’s got four kids and has been doing this for years. She calls herself a homeschool consultant, but as of yet is not charging for her services. Does that sound weird in writing? It sounded awesome in person. She’ll come to our house – talk with us about our schedule, our goals, our lifestyle etc. and help us come up with a homeschooling plan that will work for us, even if it’s just for the next few months.
Those were the only two people I had a chance to talk to, and they both do a nice mix of homeschooling and unschooling (though technically I suppose none of us can really claim to be unschoolers if we’re doing any schooling at all. I guess it could be called relaxed homeschooling or something.) Anyway, the point is that they weren’t all hardcore unschoolers. Maybe some of them were. It was a pretty mixed group. There were a couple of people there who seemed to have their identities wrapped up in being “alternative” and those folks definitely had a holier-than-thou attitude about the group of folks next to us whose kids all go to the same school (RISD had the day off). When Patrick and I got a chance to debrief later in the day he was like “I know why those kids aren’t in school. Because otherwise they would get their asses kicked.” It was interesting to watch Peach ingratiate herself with the group of school kids, even though she didn’t know a singe one of them. She ran off to play all their organized games, like sack races. It was like she instinctively knew which group she belonged to.
I found out about a homeschooling co-op that isn’t too far from here. It looks like it’s too late to register for any of the classes this semester, but we can go and check it out. The prospect is both exciting and overwhelming. I don’t know that I have the energy to become emotionally involved in another co-op right now. But the idea of having some structure for D seems good. That and the involvement with other kids. That amount and that kind of socialization seems ideal (or as ideal as we’re ever going to find or afford). She could use a few friends who have an idea of what she’s going through.
I wish that I had the energy/time to sort out my thoughts about all of things that we have tried this year and why most of them seem like such complete failures. It’s hard not to feel that old familiar shame for having “failed” at this so far. It’s such a bummer to find out that, even when I think I’m detached, it turns out that I have all these expectations. I realize that I keep writing the same post in here over and over, how I feel like a failure and yet how we both have learned a lot about what doesn’t work. It was encouraging to be around other families who are doing this, who have been making it work and so I’m trying to just look forward to the next meeting instead of kicking myself for not having gone sooner.
Comin’ to Jesus
January 7, 2009D and I sat down yesterday and had a frank talk about what’s working for us and what isn’t. This is what we came up with.
Things D doesn’t like:
Things she does like:
What I don’t like:
What I like:
Some of our goals:
Our agreements:
We also agreed that homeschooling is a privilege, and that we should check in with each other more frequently this semester to see what is working and what isn’t. Today was a disaster because I had to work on freelance design project all morning, and then D went with P up the coconut tree to Commerce for the afternoon, and then there was swim team, all of which left very little time for anything else. So many of our days are like that. At least I’m a little less freaked out. As friends keep reminding me, we are learning something.
